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fridays you go out and come back the next day.

i know it's not a big deal. i know you stay over in your friends house because it's easier, you're too tired to come back, too wasted, whatever.

but i keep waking up hoping you'll crawl in bed before i wake up. then i wake up and you're not there, and it just sucks.

then i think that maybe someday, you'll think of me as i think of you... you'll know how i miss you when you're not here, and how i wait for your messages, and how i hate being alone in bed. and then you won't let these things be painful to me anymore.

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i am kinda hungover right now. i got pretty drunk last night at my company's party.

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on days like this, i kinda feel myself caring less and less about you. it's a cold unpleasent feeling.

but when you come back, it's like it didn't happen, and you mean the world to me again.

this time, i will not make a big deal out of it. out of the fact that i woke up and you were not here. i won't let it hurt. you will come back soon, and i will be happy, and that's all that matters.

and maybe someday, you'll know how i feel, and you will feel the same

hello

i'm a girl on a journey to happiness.

2.5 years ago, i started seeing a guy (let's call him M). during this time, he has been the main source of my happiness as well as my suffering.

there are many things i want to tell him but i can't. because it will make us fight. or because he won't understand. or because i am afraid of his answer.

there is no one that i can tell these things. they stay in my head and repeat repeat repeat.

so i will put these things here. in this blog. out of my head.

maybe when i see them written down, they will not seem so big & painful anymore.